Relationship Tips – Let’s Be Friends

Relationship Tip
January 8, 2016

RELATIONSHIP TIP #4:

“Before you become anything else, become friends!”

Contrary to popular belief, the first step in a relationship is not lovers, but friends.

Friendship is the ideal place to start any relationship. Unfortunately, the starting point for many is lust rather than friendship.

Recently I heard a true story of a successful young woman who went to a nightclub and met a guy. On the surface they both were really attractive people and they were attracted to each other. They seemed to be compatible. She was a successful executive and he was a highway patrolman. They left the club and went back to her condo. They had an evening of lust and sex. After one night, she thought that he was the one for her. In her mind she had found her husband. Within a week, she invited him to move in with her and he did. However, the more they got to know each other and their real personalities, the less attractive they were to each other. What started out great, fizzled out rather quickly. Shortly thereafter she died of a massive heart attack. Those closest to her suggest she possibly died of a broken heart. Perhaps all of this could have been avoided and maybe a life saved if, they would have taken the time to get to know each other through the vehicle of friendship.

In relationships it is not wise, nor necessary to go from ground zero to the top all at once. Take your time and get to know each other. Take time to determine and to discover whether or not you like what you are lusting after or attracted to. Never confuse lust with like or love. Lust is a physical attraction and enticement. Lust has an expiration date. Lust and looks fade.

So what does lust look like and how do you know when you are in lust and not love? You know that you are in lust when:

You’re focused on the physical appearance of the object of your desire.
There is a strong desire to have sex, but not deep emotional conversations.
You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
You are lovers, but not necessarily friends.

Lust can transition into love, but it takes time. It happens when the two really see each other (their strengths and weakness) and get past the fantasy level. This revelation and knowledge is established and solidified during the friendship stage.

Excerpt from my soon to be released book Further, Faster, Together. Pre-Order your copy today @ www.kennethdphelps.com.

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Love,

Dr. Phelps